TCO: Chapter Thirty-Six

Both Aderes and Tarak remained absent from classes and meals for the rest of the day. Gyan tried to mentally reach out to Aderes several times, but Aderes shut him out as soon as he felt Gyan's presence.

At least I know he's conscious, Gyan thought with a sigh as he stood at his bedroom window that evening, his back to the small fireplace in their room. Gyan had given up trying to sleep; he was too bothered by the day's events. The howling winds accompanying the pouring skies outside did little to help sooth his agitation. He watched from the window as the violent winds fought to snap branches off the small trees located in the temple courtyard.

Only a short time passed before Gyan spotted Aderes hurrying across the temple grounds, seeking shelter from the storm. It was well after midnight before Aderes slipped quietly into the room, drenched with rain and shaking from cold. Gyan remained silent and continued to watch the storm from the window.

Aderes stared at Gyan's back for a moment before speaking. "I thought I could control it, but I…can't," he said simply. There was no remorse in Aderes's tone.

Gyan did not turn around. "No," he replied slowly. "I think it's that you won't control it, Aderes, not that you can't."

"Well he wasn't injured, so you can relax."

"You don't get it, do you?" Gyan turned to face him. "You attacked him with a dagger, Aderes…in sparring…with what looked like the intent to harm him—to kill one of your own—a warrior. Do you know how snide and low that is?"

Aderes remained by the door even though he was still shaking with cold. Water continued to drip down his face. "He is not one of my own," he said defiantly, "and I didn't intend to kill him. It was…an instinctual move. I brought the dagger to instinctively protect myself."

"To protect yourself?" Gyan raised an eyebrow. "In training? You are only thinking of yourself, not even attempting to see beyond your own needs." The volume of Gyan's voice rose as his attempt to control it failed. "And what does it mean for the rest of us if you, one of our team, is chucked out of the group? What does it mean for us if everyone has to be on guard simply because you're unstable and cannot control your emotions? We have spent most of our childhood learning how to control our thoughts and emotions and why we should. And then you go and lose it the very first time you pair up with someone who only reminds you of another who killed your family!" Gyan let his anger at Aderes pour from him. The disappointment he felt in watching Aderes's recent behavior had finally taken its toll.

"I don't expect you to understand," Aderes said in a low voice. "You were already on his side since he arrived."

"It's not about sides or loyalty!" Gyan exclaimed as he paced the room. "It's about what it means to be a warrior! You know what the most pathetic thing about all this is? Just think for one minute if you had been able to harm Tarak—the Vaznaun that didn't hurt your family—what then? Not only would you be the most disappointing excuse for a light warrior there has ever been, but it also would serve no satisfaction—none! It still wouldn't undo the past, Aderes. It still wouldn't bring them back. And then you are left standing there with an innocent man's blood on your hands, which makes you no better than them—no better than the Vaznaun for killing your innocent family, too."

Shaking with anger, Gyan strode past Aderes without another word and slammed the door behind him. He didn't bother to slow his pace as he descended the stairs and out into the night. The cold of the rain soothed his heated head and heart. Tilting his face up to the sky, he caught sight of movement in an upper window of the temple.

There Jalena stood, staring down at him, her long black hair framing her oval face. Gyan's breath caught in his throat as their eyes locked. His chest tightened. He blinked the dense rain from his eyes, and in the same moment that Jalena had appeared, she was gone, which did nothing more than add heavily to the day's events that filled his heart and mind.